Thriving in Difficult Times
This blog post is for the times when we feel overpowered by emotions and need to take a deep breath…
The past two years were a challenge for humanity, as the world fought an invisible enemy that deprived many people of their loved ones. Social interactions vastly changed and businesses had to adapt to the new normal. During this process of adjustment, many businesses relying on face-to-face communication that had existed for decades and even centuries sadly needed to close down.
As if the challenges and distress that the pandemic brought about had not been enough to process, two months ago peace in Europe was shattered to pieces. On February 24, I felt that I had unwillingly become a participant in a horror movie that had to end right away. Yet its end seems nowhere near and every day we wake up to news about further pointless destruction of lives and livelihoods. The shock that we can celebrate life with our families one day and wake up to the sounds of sirens and artillery the next one suddenly feels closer to home than ever. The emotions are overwhelming - anger, sadness, fear, disbelief, a feeling of helplessness… For the people directly involved in the conflict, they are unspeakable.
We the lucky ones can take a deep breath and be grateful that we are free to live. Yet the inhumane suffering of so many innocent people around the corner takes its own psychological toll on those high on the compassion scale (for better or worse, I happen to be one of those).
How do we tackle unexpected, very stressful situations and yet manage to remain ‘sane’, happy and productive? I want to share some tips on managing stress that I have found helpful:
Practice self-compassion
Compassion is one’s ability to feel what others are going through and the readiness to do something to alleviate their suffering. It literally means ‘‘suffering together’’. We have all encountered situations in our lives that have affected our emotions and prompted acts of compassion towards others, to a greater or lesser extent. Unlike with compassion, which has been reinforced through the evolution of social interaction and comes naturally to most of us, self-compassion requires some persistence. When we perform an act of compassion, we experience some form of response from another living being, whether the response takes place in the physical realm or is construed in our minds. In the case of self-compassion, however, we stumble upon the difficulty of interacting back and forth with ourselves, shifting inward the love and support we typically give away in the two-way social exchange. Self-compassion is a feeling that requires a proactive approach. So how do we learn to reap its benefits?
Extrapolate and model your social behavior onto yourself. Imagine that your best friend or your child experienced a negative situation at work or home similar to what you are going through. What would you tell him or her? What actual actions would you take to alleviate his pain? How would you expect him to react to your actions? Now say these same words to yourself. Direct toward yourself the same actions you would take for someone you care about. How do you feel?
Put yourself first - you are the only one living your life and thus are the ultimate person responsible for your happiness and well-being. Others are there to support or challenge you on the journey but you need to take the leap yourself. Therefore, help others when they need help but help yourself first and foremost, in order to have enough energy to invest elsewhere in the future.
Take time off the negative news or your emotions. Focus only on things within your reach and power to change, one step at a time. This rationalized focus will help you set a firmer ground beneath your feet.
Accept that you make mistakes like everyone else. Don’t be harsher on yourself than you would be with a friend in a similar situation. Analyze why a situation has come about and, rather than viewing it as your grave failure, see it as a great opportunity to expand your portfolio of wisdom about yourself and the world.
Don’t blame yourself for the bad actions or character flaws of others you have let into your life. Just remember to watch out for the red flags when they appear in the future. Trust but periodically verify that one can be trusted (get in touch with me if you want to know how!).
If the same mistake repeats over and over, perhaps you need to start choosing environments that are better aligned with your character and fabric. Make a U-turn if needed! You deserve to be where your great potential is seen, where you are appreciated, respected and loved.
Burnouts happen when there are extreme demands or more than one can take. Don’t strive for the maximum when a lower level of it is enough to keep you afloat. Know your limits and know when to say “no” or put a full stop.
Spoil yourself regularly by doing what gives you positive vibes the moment you can get a break - read, exercise, cook, play games, listen to music, meditate. Take a break from what is being imposed on you from outside and do what YOU want.
Make changes
Make small steps every day. Change has proven to be a strong factor for improving people’s happiness levels. It can be something as simple as taking a different route every day, trying a new café in town or calling an old friend. Even small changes can improve one’s state of mind and provide positive energy.
Write down each morning what new thing you will try today. In the end of the day, write down how the new experience made you feel. Make a note of the types of activities that make you happiest and try to have more of them.
Help others
When we help others with compassion and love, we help ourselves. Research has shown that when we feel compassion, we secrete the hormone oxytocin, which strengthens our feelings of social bonding and lowers anxiety and stress. What is important is not to do more than we are capable of or give away more energy than is healthy for us. If this is the case, I would go back to bullet point ‘‘put yourself first’’.
Finding a purpose is critical to our well-being. The desire to give a meaning to our existence has been the subject of a movement in psychology known as logotherapy. The need to be of use to others as part of the life purpose can provide additional strength to our self-oriented actions. For example, the more money one makes, the more money one has to support causes close to the heart, and the higher the feeling of accomplishment and reward.
Helping is an act, not a thought. Sometimes a small step matters more than a thousand thoughts. I just signed up for an initiative to help integrate and provide moral support to Ukrainian refugees in Bulgaria organized by a foundation called За Доброто (For the Good).
Harness the power of nature
The effects of walks in the park, hiking and traveling have been proven by science to support mental health and improve the well-being. I was once part of a toxic work culture that stripped me of my positive energy. I felt lost and saw the world through the narrow perspective of what I was experiencing at the time. During that time, I decided to take a two-week trip to one of the most beautiful places in Italy. Every day, I would wake up and walk for miles, hopping from one city to another, eating great food and watching the emerald waves splashing against the shores. This new experience of freedom and happiness was so different than the one I had locked myself into; it gave me a new perspective with the understanding that no matter what situation you are in, the sky is always there - you only have to look up.
Calm your mind
It can be as little as 20 minutes per day, in the morning or during the course of the day when the mind feels crowded. The most important part is to stick to it every day, even when you feel that it does not help, because the brain picks up on patterns and retunes without us noticing at first. I like the Pura Rasa meditations on YouTube, check them out!
Laugh, laugh, laugh
The power of laughter has been well documented. Laughter is a response mechanism that provides a sense of belonging and helps get through difficult times more easily. It also provides numerous benefits for the long-term health, physical and mental. Surround yourself with nice people who laugh often. Laugh at yourself, the vanity of life, the mistakes you have made… Here is some practice to get you started:
Blonde Orders Food in a Library - YouTube
Mr Dumbass A&w rootbeer - YouTube
Steve Jobs on Consulting - YouTube
It is exactly in difficult times that any former training of our brain comes in handy. Scott Fitzgerald wrote: ”The world only exists in your eyes - your conception of it. You can make it as big or small as you want to...”